Top 3 Polyamory Books
Just as my fearless reader “Blah” reminded me that my blog should deal with sex and not terrorism (at least, sexless terrorism), a question came through the email pipe that I am thrilled to answer. What are your favorite books about non-monogamy?
Well, my top three favorite books about non-monogamy are as follows:
#1. Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships by Tristan Taormino.
Tristan Taormino, whose anal sex writings I’ve reviewed on this site in the past, has interviewed over 100 people about their various open, nonmonog, poly relationships, how to deal with all the issues sure to come up: managing time, jealously, new partners, styles, parenthood, etc…Her book is the least didactic and the most pragmatic, comforting, and pleasurable.
#2. The Ethical Slut: A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships, and Other Adventures by Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy
As much as Taormino’s book isn’t didactic, this one is. I much prefer Easton’s The New Bottoming Book and The New Topping Book; however, if you’re wanting to read a classic book with great information for people in various styles of poly relationships, or at least an opinionated piece of poly-propaganda with loads of pragmatic tidbits, check this one out. It’s a brilliant, pioneering, and a pleasurable read.
#3. Because I have a penchant for sweetness and a love for psycho-semantic play, Redefining Our Relationships: Guidelines for Responsible Open Relationships by Wendy-O Matik is an incredibly touching, lovely book about figuring out new ways, more sensual ways, to look at all our various relations. It’s less slutty, and more touchy feely, but hell, I like that kind of thing.
For those of you looking at my list and exclaiming, “urgh, how passé,” I wanna know what your favorite non-monogamous, polyamorous reads are too!
Lots of love (to each of you),
QR
Most of the time, books on non-monogamy bore me. I end up getting frustrated at how western centric, exclusive and isolating this language can be. I prefer to use non monogamy as an identity rather than polyamory for this very reason. While I agree that the Ethical Slut is brilliant, and it is also a must read for all aspiring sluts, I often just find myself wondering, sometimes out loud, “Where the fuck is the book about the first generation queer catholic latina slut? The book with lived experiences by other sinners and blasphemes like me? The book written about us putas that are reconstructing relationships at the very same time that we are reconstructing our identities as women of color? Where the fuck is my experience?” I was at a poly party on New Years (don’t ask), and across the room a woman watched me as I spoke to my mother on the phone, and to my speaking Spanish she yelped, “God that’s so hot.” I was one of the only people of color there. Is this poly as we know it?
I do however, enjoy how sweet and simple Redefining our Relationships is, it’s actually the only book that’s helped me process through some of the trying times on my journey into sluthood! I always recommend it. =)
thanx luv
What a creepy story. How did you respond???
The book you’re describing is one yet to be written, fragments might exist in poems, essays, blogs, art, etc…but the book you’re looking for, if it exists, I don’t yet know. So many stories to be told, configurations of identity, desire, region, gender, nation, love, faith/culture/religion/doubt to be grappled with in poetry, fiction, history, theory, and yes, even poly-self help books. Not just the books, but the official poly jargon is dull as hell, alienating to most, and not just eurocentric, but obscure, alienating, and sterile.
I’m glad to hear Redefining our Relationships has been useful for you too. It feels so good to read.
BTW, I adore you.
back attcha blah!
Che Eneri escribitelo el libro ese, estaria barbarooooo! Me parece muy bueno.
Kyle, thanks for writing queerradical. I’ve lost touch with the queer community since I left la usa (working and studying too much to reach out) and it’s nice to have a queer injection by kyle every once in a while hahahaha. Yeah, I meant for that to sound kinda dirty.
Un besote grande a vos!