What Seductive Lines Work For You?
A few nights ago, after watching Public Enemy (goddamn Johnny Depp’s so fucking hot), a few of my friends went for drinks and debated whether his cheesy lines would have worked in real life. I’ve had bad lines used on me over the years. Sometimes I’ve swooned and sometimes I’ve freaked out.
Some of my favorite have included:
Do you play the skin-whistle?
I like your piercings. My piercings you can’t see. (Lascivious chuckle…)
Do you like my muscles? I like my muscles. I’ll let you touch them.
I like your laugh smiley boy.
Aurgh (said in a half-orgasmic/half-nauseous utterance), you’re hot. Let’s do it.
OK, so perhaps times have changed since the chivalrous Johnny Dillinger roamed the earth. Bagging potential lovers with cheesy lines about eternal protection, convincing people to quit their job so you can support them with all the loot you’re earning through bank robberies, and after being gunned down, gurgling blood, and whispering to your asshole, cop-assassin, “tell my sweetie, bye-bye blackbird,” you come off deranged and ultimately, dead.
Possessive romantics have long ago been replaced by Akon and Snoop Dog’s “I wanna fuck you, you already know…” or Dierks Bently crooning, “Come a little closer, I feel like laying you down.” These days, people declare what they like, what you can do to them, or what their hottest assets are. Hot or not, it’s the way things are.
So here’s my question for you: what are the hottest seductive lines you can think of? What words would woo you?
Why are there NO COMMENTS yet? It’s been THREE FREAKIN’ DAYS! I wanna hear what people wanna hear! Maybe I’m new school, but I like to hear it flat out if someone wants to get it on.
When I was a youngin’ (17) this 30-something goth girl took me home (to my own house, didn’t live with the parents, mind you) from a party nearby. She told me at the party “I’m going to show you things you’ve never imagined before…” total porn. Totally hot. Unfortunately she did no such thing, all bark, no bite. ¡Perra que ladra y nunca muere!
I love this: “Why are there NO COMMENTS yet? It’s been THREE FREAKIN’ DAYS!”
I had a little affair with someone who picked me up in her car for our first date and then nervously admitted that she was so dazed & worried about meeting me that she wore 2 different shoes. It was supercute. Also, a friend of mine once told me that my eyebrows were the hottest thing he had ever seen and though that is weird and awkward, it almost led to nighttime funtimes.
I usually try lines but get nervous so I mutter them under my breath and then the possible candidate is like “What? I can’t hear you!” and then the moment is lost..
Once I was passing out fliers for a “Birdhouse Diorama Party” at a fashionable clothing store and approached someone who was hotter than me. I asked “Do you like birds?” and she looked at me like I was really really ugly and said “not really.” And I thought, “What kind of mega-b doesn’t like birds?” and then gave her a flier anyway saying, “um, here have a flier.”
Still waiting for mooooore….kyle…can you pick up the slack please?