Nothing destroys love quicker than resentment. In all types of relationships, it can jump up, bite like a fucking snake and stick around like a bad fart. So what do you do when you’re frustrated with a partner, pissed off at something they did (or didn’t do), and start resenting them?

1) Step Back! Get a little perspective on the situation. What is it that’s bugging you? Is it real? Is it worth getting pissed about? Why the fuck do you care anyhow? Figure it out and when you do…

2) Process it with people you love, your therapist, family, or whatever support network you have. Don’t go dumping your resentment on your partner till you’re grounded enough to talk about it calmly and honestly. After you’re grounded and ready to talk…

3) If something real is bugging you, then bring that shit up. Let the other person know what you’re feeling. If it isn’t real, and you still have lingering resentment, do the same, but acknowledge that it’s your feeling and not the other person’s fault. When resentment builds up, it can explode. Explosions are messy and easily avoided. Talking about shit can be helpful.

4) Listen chatterbox. Don’t dominate the conversation. Once you’ve stated your feelings, let the other person have a turn. And listen some more. Don’t get all tied up using “I-statements” and whatever other non-violent shit your hippy friends convinced you to use. Just listen. Be direct. Listen some more.

5) When the processing is over, go process alone, with friends, in a journal, through art, or whatever you do.

6) Let shit go. If whatever’s come up is not worth wrecking the relationship over, deal with those feelings, banish those feelings, get rid of them. You can use therapy, magik spells, Jesus, whatever your drug of choice is. If whatever’s come up is a deal-breaker, break the deal kindly, gently, and lovingly. If it’s not, just move the fuck on, chill out, and be forgiving.

7) Love yourself and love your partners. Feeling resentment or resented is exhausting. Treat yourself well for dealing with your emotions honestly, respectfully, and wholly. Don’t waste all your time processing with your partner, but do check-in. It’s important to know where things stand. Afterward, love yourself and your partners some more. Ya’ll are fucking beautiful.