How Do I Let My Crushes Know I Like Them? It’s Okay Marvin Gaye…Just Let the Grapevine Do Your Dirty Work
“Nobody likes me,” whine you super-shy, super-fly people almost everybody wants to do.
Stop complaining my precious little muffins. Everybody knows the best way to get someone to cuddle you is to let them know you want to cuddle them.
Too shy? It’s Okay, Marvin Gaye! The second-best way to get a crush to cuddle you, second only to, “Cuddle me now slut,” is to let the grapevine do its work.
I told it to the grapevine…Honey, won’t they be mine…
Let the gossip mill do it’s thing, and as the fuckers in COINTELPRO said, “indirect rumors will get the goods.”
So city slicker, how do you get the grapevine to grow? First, plant your seeds. Tell your friends who your crushes are. Don’t be shy or make them keep it secret. Tell them to blab.
Spread that pollen Bee, spread that pollen. “Goddamn, Chris Nelson’s hot.” (Only an example, of course…)
The next thing you know, someone reading this blog will go yak my crush to Chris Nelson and drama, pleasure, or laughter will ensue. Anyway you look at it, Chris Nelson (mmmm, so cute) will feel good and know about my hypothetical crush (as though he doesn’t already).
Now you try it friends. Say, “Oh me-oh-my Chris Nelson (or whomever you like…you know he’s a good example) is hot.” When you do, you too will let your cuddle-bunny crushes know you like them. Your chances of a half-Nelson increase.
What’s that you shy little doe? Oh, you’re afraid you’ll embarrass yourself or ruin a friendship by letting your dude-bros./girls/queers know you’re all bonered and juicy for them?
Bullshit.
Any friend worth having won’t let that happen if you don’t. My guess is that what you’re worried about is getting rejected, jilted, hurt, and bruised.
It’s reasonable. You will.
If you wanna get loved, fucked, or cuddled, sometimes my drab little darling, you’re gonna get dumped. Get the fuck over it and start chatting about your crushes.
Perhaps you’ll get a solo in the overwhelming chorus of choruses blaring those immortal lyrics, more redundant than Beethoven’s 9th.
“I adore Chris Nelson. Hallelujah.”
Perhaps Chris will sing back to you…
it seems that you’re very good at watering the seeds of crushes that have been planted. i’ll wait to thank you until after something works out.
oh…did you think that post had something to do with YOU and Mr. Nelson (not to say it wasn’t on my mind:)…
Can you feel the water flowing?
Oh my GAWD, you stole my idea, you know, the ever so clever and hot approach to telling your crush you have a crush on them by writing a blog about crush declaration and cleverly mentioning there name?!!! How about this one… “So everyone… how are we gonna get Chris Nelson (or any other example of course) to hit it with me?” LOL. Ahhh yes, the beauty of being non monogamous is getting to indulge in the world. I live to fall in love with the world. The idea that I could potentially fall in love with anyone that crosses my path feels liberating, sexy, and empowering. It’s what keeps me breathing day after day.
I had a conversation with the lovely Erica G. the other night, a mutual crush we have (although my crush is distincitvely different than yours, lol). We talked about the process of pining over someone. I find it to be playful and exciting, yet sometimes it can be so excruciating, the ladder something I am currently experiencing with someone. She said something to the effect of “Well, we do it every day. I mean all of our friends are totally amazing.” And I realized that yea, I guess I do experience having a non action crush on most of my friends, every single day. SO what makes certain crushes different than others? Why is is painful to be pining over so and so, yet fun over another so and so? Interesting…
So yes, I declare to the world, that if we have ever crossed paths with each other and you have at the very least made me smile, it more than likely means I have a crush on you, would like to spoon you at some point, and while it will never be an expectation I have on anyone, the ability to smooch a crush is the most fulfilling feeling in the world! Ahhhh!
My ideas for declaring a crush: 1) A carefully crafted mixed CD/mixed tape 2) hand written liner notes 3) a letter/package snail mail style (local or long distance) 4)telling someone at Villa Villa Kulla LOL 5)making them dinner 6)smoking them out 7)baking for them and 8)just telling them. This is the scariest one of them all of course, but also the most exciting. It’s fulfilling for me because I get to spill the beans on an exciting secret regardless if the feeling is mutual, but it’s also fulfilling to person on the recieving end. I think a big part of what keeps us going is knowing how amazing we are in this world. I told “T” I had a crush on him, not because I necessarily wanted to make out, but mostly because it’s important to affirm the important of the people in our lives. And I know it warmed his heart to hear that. We are all loveable, and sometimes we forget that.
Kick ass blog Kyle. I love you!
[...] Posted by hollo in art, chicago, ham, karoake, love, music, telephone, video. trackback KH has advice that we should all follow, but from my outpost here in the outback I feel it’s better to wait and still be shy. To my [...]