To become a true master, any art requires practice.

Whether trying new sexual techniques, modes of breathing, challenging forms of intimacy, or old but scary forms of pleasure, working to build safe, hot spaces to practice the unfamiliar and the challenging can make any sex hotter and way less awkward.

It’s good to have spaces where failure’s ok, laughter’ s possible, and open dialog can occur. In some scenes, we get to master the things we’re really good at doing. In others, we can learn new skills. Good art comes out of a willingness to let go, make mistakes, and keep working at it. Erotic arts are no fucking exception.

For example, one partner and I have worked on spanking techniques endlessly. In our first stabs (rather slaps), we found ourselves making dud thuds, occasionally missing our target, and figuring out just how hard we liked it. We were like SM finger painters-overly eager and sloppy. More recently, we’ve both gotten pretty fucking good. But the end goal of our work, a masterful slap, has not been the best part. The best part is the practice.

I love the idea of ropes and bondage. Nonetheless, getting my sausage fingers to make and unmake knots can be a bit overwhelming. Perhaps it’s lingering Cub Scout trauma. Regardless, I’m clumsy and need space to practice before I make another lousy attempt at lashing some rope together, getting sweaty, laughing nervously, and ultimately giving up as a very eager, very disappointed bottom wriggles out of my pathetic-excuse for bondage towards the Eagle Scout Daddy across the dungeon.

Because creating spaces for erotic practice takes time, scheduling, commitment, and vulnerability, it’s something easy to neglect. So here’s my challenge to myself and ya’ll: let’s work to create the spaces in our lives and communities where we can learn from our collective sensuous skills, make mistakes as we master new styles and techniques, and build places to grown in our collective erotic capacity.

Though I think many of us should be doing this directly with our lovers, I’m also interested in finding out ways to do this with broader sections of our community.

Any takers?